LET’S STRAIGHTEN YOURS OUT.
If you’re like most people, setting boundaries is not easy for you.
You feel guilty for saying something…
Ashamed of needing something….
Uncool and not chill and not “down for whatever.”
Maybe you’ve experienced rejection for having asserted your boundaries.
Or you’ve been mocked or shamed for having an “uncool” boundary, for being needy, for demanding too much.
Or maybe someone just flat-out ignored your boundaries. Did things to you that you didn’t like, need or want. Railroaded you into situations where you stopped bothering to figure out what your boundaries even were, because what is the point.
One way or another, you learned that you having boundaries was not okay.
BUT WHAT IF YOUR BOUNDARIES AREN’T THE PROBLEM?
You don’t have to justify your boundaries.
You don’t have to be certain to set a boundary.
You’re allowed to set a boundary, even when things aren’t totally clear to you.
HERE’S THE TRUTH:
Your boundaries are what allow you to get close to people.
Your boundaries can be flexible according to how you feel or what you need that day.
Your boundaries are expected change over time… in any direction.
Your boundaries are beautiful, necessary, and will change according to context. That’s the truth.
YOUR “YES” TELLS YOU WHAT IS VALUABLE TO YOU.
Many people think that boundaries are all about saying no. It is very important to be able to say No, but knowing what you want to be a Yes to is equally, if not more, important. Boundaries aren’t just about keeping things out. They’re also about taking a stand for what matters to you, whether that is your alone time, your agency over your body, your creative flow, your spirituality, your core values, your sense of safety or any of a million other things that might matter to you.
Your boundaries are, at their core, about protecting and nurturing your “Yes.” When you learn to truly honor the importance of these Yesses in your life, it becomes easier to create the space for them that you need — without guilt or shame.
EVERY “NO” IS A “YES” TO SOMETHING ELSE.
Healthy boundaries are more than just keeping people and things you don’t want away from you. When you listen to and honor your boundaries, you keep the parts of you that are precious to you from spilling out to people and projects that are not worthy of that preciousness.
Your boundaries give the beautiful parts of yourself form and shape. Healthy boundaries both filter out the bad, and maintain the integrity of your gifts.
THE BETTER BOUNDARIES CRASH COURSE IS YOUR ROADMAP TO GUILT-FREE BOUNDARIES.
This is everything I cover with my clients when we have an hour or two talk about boundaries.
In this hour-long audio recording, there are analogies and metaphors galore, practical tools you can use right away, and you’ll get key insights like:
- What a boundary is (and how it’s different from a limit or a wall)
- Why setting boundaries is critical if you want to be close to someone
- How to find your own boundaries (without getting hurt)
- What to do when you don’t know what your boundaries are
- The secret to saying no gracefully, but firmly (it’s surprisingly simple!)
In addition to the audio recording, there are handouts! Glorious handouts! Who doesn’t love a good handout?
- A quick reference guide for distinguishing between boundaries, limits, walls, needs, and values
- A fill-in-the-blank, step-by-step script for communicating your boundaries to other people with real-life examples
- A written overview of the main points of the course to take notes on and flesh out with your own real-life examples
There are a few brief exercises, and the whole class will take you about an hour and a half to complete. And you can go back to the material over and over again!
BONUSES! YOU’LL ALSO GET…
THERE ARE SO MANY REASONS TO GET THE BETTER BOUNDARIES CRASH COURSE — WHAT’S YOURS?
COME! SEE HOW MUCH EASIER BOUNDARIES CAN BE!
Learn the difference between your boundaries, limits, and walls. Have a script in your back pocket for sticky situations. Learn what to say to avoid pushback. Give yourself permission to change as needed. Create more intimacy and ease in your relationships.
After 13 years of helping people find and say their boundaries at Cuddle Parties, coaching hundreds of clients about what is and isn’t okay for them, working with group facilitators to support their students’ boundaries, and leading the Good Girl Recovery Program, I’m pretty comfortable saying I’m a boundary badass.
I wasn’t always this way though. Raised in the south, and socialized as a girl, I was taught to demur, accommodate, go along with things and acquiesce, which worked, I guess. The problem was that it often landed me in situations where I was doing a whole lot of what I didn’t want to do at work, with friends, in relationships, and in the bedroom. Getting good at my boundaries has made life a million times easier. I still get to be kind and generous — without being a doormat. I want that for you too.