Assume Everyone Is Sexual

On the last page of Susie Bright’s fantastic book Full Exposure, there is a list that has stuck with me since the first time I read it 10 years ago. It goes like this:

“Assume Everyone Is Sexual”
To ever imagine otherwise is one of the most profound and ignorant forms of discrimination.

Your momma is sexual,
Your great-grandma who you never knew,
Her husband too —
Your precious baby, and every other precious baby,
That twisted up guy in a wheelchair,
The thirteen-year-old with thick glasses and orthopedic shoes,
The incredibly homely person that you crossed the street to get away from,
weird anorexic supermodels too —
Anyone you don’t desire,
and anyone you’ve ever put on a pedestal.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how our culture seems to tell us at every turn that sex is only for the young and the pretty, and the toll that takes on the rest of us. (Or really, all of us.)

Being sexual is confused with being sexually desirable, which is confused with being lovable. But none of these are the same thing.

You have a sexuality regardless of who you are, what you look like and whether someone else likes it.

Your sexuality is worth recognizing and loving.

One of the easiest ways I’ve found to love my own sexuality is to recognize that everyone is sexual. By taking the attention off myself, and learning to consider (and maybe even love) the otherwise invisible sexuality of everyone else around me, it becomes just a weird quirk that we humans all have.

Something I get to have.

Something YOU get to have.

All of us.

So today, assume everyone is sexual. And let me know in the comments what happens.

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2 thoughts on “Assume Everyone Is Sexual

  1. Unless of course, you aren’t a sexual person. While the discrimination you fight against here needs to be fought, it should not be done at the expense of asexual people. Their lack of desire, no matter how sexually desirable they may seem, is as important, and invisible as the sexual desire of groups we code as not having them. I suppose I am saying, the assumption is that sexual desire is correlated with desirably, and it is important to note both detections in which it is not.

  2. Good point about asexuality. And, I would add, that BEING sexual does not necessarily mean WANTING sex in any particular moment. It’s an internal, autonomous experience of being sexual that is so often not recognized.

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