Assume Everyone Is Sexual

October 4, 2012

On the last page of Susie Bright’s fantastic book Full Exposure, there is a list that has stuck with me since the first time I read it 10 years ago. It goes like this:

“Assume Everyone Is Sexual”
To ever imagine otherwise is one of the most profound and ignorant forms of discrimination.

Your momma is sexual,
Your great-grandma who you never knew,
Her husband too –
Your precious baby, and every other precious baby,
That twisted up guy in a wheelchair,
The thirteen-year-old with thick glasses and orthopedic shoes,
The incredibly homely person that you crossed the street to get away from,
weird anorexic supermodels too –
Anyone you don’t desire,
and anyone you’ve ever put on a pedestal.
EVERYONE.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how our culture seems to tell us at every turn that sex is only for the young and the pretty, and the toll that takes on the rest of us. (Or really, all of us.)

Being sexual is confused with being sexually desirable, which is confused with being lovable. But none of these are the same thing.

You have a sexuality regardless of who you are, what you look like and whether someone else likes it.

Your sexuality is worth recognizing and loving.

One of the easiest ways I’ve found to love my own sexuality is to recognize that everyone is sexual. By taking the attention off myself, and learning to consider (and maybe even love) the otherwise invisible sexuality of everyone else around me, it becomes just a weird quirk that we humans all have.

Something I get to have.

Something YOU get to have.

All of us.

So today, assume everyone is sexual. And let me know in the comments what happens.

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

R October 4, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Unless of course, you aren’t a sexual person. While the discrimination you fight against here needs to be fought, it should not be done at the expense of asexual people. Their lack of desire, no matter how sexually desirable they may seem, is as important, and invisible as the sexual desire of groups we code as not having them. I suppose I am saying, the assumption is that sexual desire is correlated with desirably, and it is important to note both detections in which it is not.

Marcia B October 5, 2012 at 12:31 am

Good point about asexuality. And, I would add, that BEING sexual does not necessarily mean WANTING sex in any particular moment. It’s an internal, autonomous experience of being sexual that is so often not recognized.

Les October 5, 2012 at 10:19 am

If you aren’t a sexual person that is a choice that goes against nature. No that is not a judgmental statement against people that choose it. What I mean is that the “Assume Everyone Is Sexual” statement is very valid and I agree with the author. Further thought from those who wrote earlier would expose within them a hidden armoring from their youth. Something hidden is only out of sight, not gone.
Your sexuality is worth recognizing and loving. With over 136 known benefits just for having sex regularly is worth more than a hand full of vitamins and a lot more fun way to preserve health.

David October 27, 2012 at 6:15 am

So here I am, sitting at the Transcending Boundaries conference, about to co-moderate a panel called “Differsexual” and this whole theme comes to mind.

Applying anything before the word sexual used as a suffix is, it seems to me, a label. That may be useful in defining who we want to be or in finding affines, or even to put in front of others a particular “flavor” of what we. Individuals think we are. And oddly enough, the part I think works really *well* here IS asexual. Indeed, there are panels here on that idea. And it seems to me to be widely inclusive to simply say, straight up, that everyone is sexual, and set aside all notions of desire and want and label, instead making it simply a recognition that sexual, like a lot of other things, is a spectrum, and can thus accommodate all the varieties of experience, from A to Z (I have no idea what asexual is, just puttin’ it out there).

Lindy E. November 3, 2012 at 11:40 am

Please explain more clearly the differences of each so I can understand what it is your explaining please.
Quote:
Being sexual is confused with being sexually desirable, which is confused with being lovable. But none of these are the same thing.

Being sexual is feeling sexy, finding others sexy, finding things sensual, some things I do or others do as sensual, yet has a sexy overtone to it?

Being sexually desirable is being desireable and attractive in a sexual way by others?

Being lovable is showing a side to others that is more than being sexual. It is thoughtful, caring, sharing of thoughts feelings, understanding how others are. Compassion. Without the sexual conotation.

All together is a very attractive person that someone has gotten to know really well on all levels. This person is charming and attractive, with a great disposition and personality. Can not help but like them. Easy to be with and around. Sexually attracted to them just by being around them or seeing them on TV. Triggered by the fact that whatever they are doing right is interesting and new. Am i correct?

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