I’ve been on the road for about three weeks now (I know, I’m not very good at telling you about this via this blog… that’s what the Twitter feed is for.) In that three weeks, I’ve had any number of unexpected challenges, from canceled workshops to venues falling through at the last minute, to changes in what city I was supposed to be in and when. It’s the less glamourous side of traveling and teaching for a living. Sometimes things go to hell, and there’s not that much you can do about it.
I’ve been fortunate, however, in that when something went wrong, the people around me have helped to break the fall. When my venue fell through, seven or eight of the fantastic people I’ve met through my years of teaching at Dark Odyssey came through with leads on event spaces and offers of their own homes to host my class and for places to sleep. When I needed to stay an extra couple of days in New York, two friends offered their places to me. When I was wondering how I could make a certain class happen, colleagues who saw the value in the class offered to produce the event.
In short, when I’ve needed it, I could fall back on the people around me. Some I’ve known forever, and some only a short while. This is what some people call a community of support.
Over the years, many people have asked me, “How do you create community?” Having relied so heavily on mine over the past few weeks, I put some thought into this, and came up with three things that need to be in place:
- Putting it out there. Though it felt embarrassing at the time, I made myself vulnerable and said, “I need help.” I let people know what specifically I needed, and though it was tempting to try to hide, I let people step up and contribute to me. It can feel scary to put it out there, but transparency and vulnerability allow others to see that you are human, and like them.
- Contributing to others. In my life, I have a policy of finding a way to support other people in what they’re doing. I use my skills to support people whenever I can, whether it’s sending an introductory email or offering a few minutes of consulting on a new project or brainstorming ideas for solving a problem. Sometimes it feels like there’s nothing I could give that could possibly matter. Even so, I make a policy to ask, whenever possible, “Is there anything I can do?” The things you take for granted because they’re so easy for you to do might very well be the thing that someone else needs more than anything. Taking a moment to help other people out can go a long way toward having community when you need it. Over the years, this builds a large nest egg of “social capital” that you can draw on when the sh*t hits the fan.
- Taking care of myself. This boils down to “Apply mask to self before assisting other passengers.” I’ve learned the hard way over the years that giving all of myself to other people, then hoping others will take care of me doesn’t work. Community support works best when everyone takes care of themselves first, to the best of their ability and then is generous with the surplus energy, when they have it.
A successful community builder does all three things. Without vulnerability, it can be hard for others to know how to support you. Without contributing to others, you can come across as demanding. And without you taking care of yourself, your community probably won’t have enough resources to give you what you need. But when all three are in place, everyone wins.
What things have you found to be helpful in building communities of support in your life?
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